Tribulations of Water & a Thing Called Frisbee
“Field Notes of a Picture Dog”
Field Notes
From a HemiDog
Alright.
So.
They say that pictures tell a thousand words… well, I am here to say that also speak mistruths. The photos below look like a typical dog having fun, leaping into water to fetch a frisbee.
A Typical dog.
What they do not show is the fact that I conquered the Water and saved my frisbee from its depths - with no help from my humans. They showed a complete disregard for the Water and it’s turbulent, persnickety and unpredictable ability to latch onto one’s paws…. and pull! Not to mention a complete disregard for a poor, indefensible frisbee.
They even… I kid you not… threw my innocent, unsuspecting frisbee into the Water and watched it float further and farther away from safety. And then! Expected me to leap in joyously into the green depths after my frisbee! I mean…are they daft?!
Naturally I did - I am a hero at my core and I do not stand for the unkindness wrought upon hapless toys.
But first.
I had to warn the green and murky monster of my coming so it had time to skedaddle… allowing me to dive in and save my frisbee. My yowls and howls reverberated through tall pines, bouncing off the surface of the water and penetrating the monsters inky depths. Changing my pitch and tone, switching from throat growls to high yips - to ensure that the green monster knew I meant business.
Throat raw, in I plunged. Slapping and smacking the surface of the wet monster so hard, my paws and belly stung. Biting and gnashing my way to my frisbee, I fought. Mere Water would not stand in my way. I wrestled my way through thickening Water, sparred with clingy green things until my paws no longer sunk in the sucking mud.
Snarling with triumph, I snatched my frisbee safe. Flinging myself around - I swam - wildly kicking until soft mud tickled my paws. Safe. I saved my frisbee from an unconscionable end in the belly of the green monster.
Legs exhausted, thoroughly wet - I gave my frisbee to my human in triumph. I did it. I conquered the water, I righted a wrong, I saved the helpless.
They threw it back in.
What. The. Fuck.
